Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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