I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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