hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize