Soap is not a condiment
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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