i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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