omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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