fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
