I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
