Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
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Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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