Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
