For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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