How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
