Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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