Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
