Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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