Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just want nice things and good sex
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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