sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
