You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
