my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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