I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
