well I can't set my house on fire every night
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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