If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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