gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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