I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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