i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
