No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
