Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
