just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So apparently I’m into choking now
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
