is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
