he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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