Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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