I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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