Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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