Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
