Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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