I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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