God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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