apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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