the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
