mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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