i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
