I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
