Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
