So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
