When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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