u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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