I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
