capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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