just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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