i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
