between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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