oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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