Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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