Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
