Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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