Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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