Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
