mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
