i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
