happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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