He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
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cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
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The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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