I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
