dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
