Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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