Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
