you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I need a burrito and a hug.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
