ya dads aren't the best wingmen
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.