I'm an idiot
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.