So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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