just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.