dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet