Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
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Watching her eat just hurts me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.