Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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