I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
