I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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