I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
