Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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