she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
from now on my penis is your penis
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
