I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
