Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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