What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
